Laser dodgin!
(Source: theepichumor)
The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
JESUS CRUST.
JAM IT!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
miami-tea: I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
This was awesome before all the great puns, but it was even harder to resist posting.
(Source: secretsbest)
Are you serious? Who takes the time to even look at their food closely enough to determine that it even looks like a president?